I want you to know this, before I know who you are.

Dear Bean,

I have been itching to know who you are, are we going to be talking nails and hair or superheros. It's not that it matters to me if you are a little miss or little mister, it's only that you matter to me that you are. You exist and you are mine.

I want you to know before I know if we are going to be playing dolls or making lego battle scenes that I love you. I wanted you and we are so happy to meet you. I feel you fluttering away and its a constant reminder that you are here. Well that and my ever growing belly of course. I couldn't be happier.

You have a big brother that will love you for many years. He will also drive you crazy at times as well I'm sure. But he does love you. He thinks of you and talks to you. He hugs you and wants you to be safe. He melts my heart. I don't know how I will find the love... as much love for you that I have for him but I know it will just happen.

It will happen when we lock eyes for the first time. Mine will be filled with tears and blurry but I will see you with my whole heart. I will hold you tight and keep you there until you get heavy with sleep and then I will hold you some more.

What I want most for you, for tomorrow and your whole life is health. I hope you are healthy. Ballet class or dirt bikes it really doesn't matter. I want love for and from you and that I already have. I can feel that you love me, that you need me and please know that I love and need you too.

Pink or blue it doesn't matter because we already love you.

mom.